MoistCr1TiKaL Answers The Web's Most Searched Questions

I'm Moist Critikal,

and this is the Wired Autocomplete Interview.

[upbeat music]

Penguinz0, Moist Critikal Charlie, Big Moist, Huge Charles.

[upbeat music]

What is Moist Critikal?

A five foot six hulking testosterone titan

who makes a bunch of wacky, silly garbage on the internet.

What does Moist Critikal do for a living?

I just post really ridiculous things on the internet

and got lucky enough that it enables me to survive.

What did Moist Critikal do before YouTube?

Nothing, I was 10 before YouTube.

I didn't have a career or a job,

I was still just snorting glue and drinking milk,

I was just a baby boy.

So I used to mow lawns for money,

which probably isn't allowed

with the child labor laws in America.

What is Moist Critikal email?

Just critikalcontact@gmail.

You're gonna have a hard time reaching me there.

I did meet one of my best friends through email,

his name's Kaya.

He reached out a long time ago with a super sad message

that really tickled my heartstrings.

I replied back, we became good friends through it,

but these days, most people just sign me up

for cult newsletters and a lot of other like really awful

WebMD, like hypochondriac bait,

but you're welcome to send me something,

I probably won't see it though.

I'll just give it one of these.

[board thuds]

Why is Moist Critikal Penguinz0?

The [indistinct] is super simple.

I was actually a child.

I made the account in 2007, I was 11.

I thought penguins were cool.

The name Penguin was taken, not that deep.

Why does Moist Critikal wear white shirts?

Convenience, most of everything I have

in my life comes from Walmart, so I just get big packs

of white shirts and that's good enough for me.

I'm not out here trying to make any kind

of fashion statements, so it's super simple, super easy.

Why does Moist Critikal talk like that?

That's a question for God, not me.

I couldn't tell you,

it's just I have very weird vocal chords,

I have a very monotone voice.

The best description I've heard of it

is that it sounds like an unenthusiastic hand job.

I've been really gravitating towards the word goofy

over the last year or so that like these words

that kind of fell out of grace for a while,

old expressions, like calling someone an old battleax

or a harpy or a harlot, goofy, silly, wacky.

It's like fetal development where you're

in like the zygotic stage all the way 'til birth.

Right now I'm in like the goofy development.

Why does Moist Critikal look like Jesus?

I just don't think I do, I really don't.

I just have long hair and I'm short.

I don't know if Jesus was short, but other than that,

I think that's where the similarity stopped.

He had like really brown hair, mine's more black.

I don't think I look like him at all,

but most people seem to think I do.

[board thuds] Is Moist Critikal in a band?

Yeah, it's a two-man band.

It's me and my buddy Troy, he's from New Zealand,

we are the Gentle Men.

Troy does all of the music, I do all the lyrics and vocals

that's why a lot of them are very silly.

Like 2019 Guy is all about being a cuck

and being super happy about it

and Skynut's all about robots that are powered

by human semen from the future.

He does all the really good music stuff

and I do all the super stupid stuff, we make a great team.

Is Moist Critikal from Florida?

I was born in Tampa, moved to Orlando,

moved back to Tampa in sixth grade

and I've been here ever since.

I'm not leaving until Florida's fully underwater

and even then I might still stick around.

I don't think I have very many Florida man qualities

other than maybe the way I dress or where I go, I guess.

We went to a club called The Castle last week,

which is a goth nightclub with a station for paddling

and all kinds of like bunk beds,

but I don't think I have many Florida man qualities myself,

not that I can think of at least.

Is Moist Critikal jacked?

Not to toot my own horn, but I do lift very often.

I was a human science major with a concentration

in exercise physiologies, but I'm not really jacked.

I keep myself lean 'cause I'm five foot six

so if I get jacked I look like a meatball

and it looks really gross.

Is Moist Critikal scared of cockroaches?

Nope, common misconception.

I scream because I'm trying to scare them away.

So I'm not afraid of anything except flying.

Is Moist Critikal scared of flying?

What do you know?

Yeah, I am scared of flying, it's my main phobia.

Really, the only phobia.

[board thuds]

Does Critikal have a world record?

Not anymore, every time I get a world record,

I post about it and some goblin out there goes

and takes it from me.

Most of my previous records were speed run related,

so gaming.

Mr. Krabs overdoses on ketamine and dies, it got taken.

I held a record in House of Caravan, got taken.

I did have a record for a little while, kind of,

not an official one for sex toy collecting,

but then Belle Delphine beat me.

So right now, no world records and probably never will hold

one for long, but I have had previous records.

When did Critikal reveal his face?

2015, I think.

I started posting on Snapchat,

doing like recorded covers of popular music

and then I eventually posted that Snapchat in a comment

on a video called Paint the Town Red,

but I don't think I started putting it in videos

until 2016 or 2017.

Does Critikal have Discord?

I don't go on it super often, only to talk to like friends

or do voice calls with friends, but I do have it.

[board thuds]

That was outrageous, sorry about that.

What is Penguinz0's favorite anime?

Code Geass, it is I think a masterpiece.

It has one of my favorite endings in all of fiction

and I think the whole thing is just beautifully written.

What does Penguinz0 drive?

An SUV, I got an SUV little over a year ago.

I just like the SUV more because I'm very risk averse,

so it's a safer vehicle.

What is Penguinz0 favorite game?

City of Heroes, it's an old MMO that I think

is truly underrated.

Shut down in 2012, God rest its soul,

but I think it's still an incredible game.

There's private servers, I still play from time to time.

I guess second to City of Heroes would be Halo II.

[board thuds]

Does Charles Christopher White Jr have a brother?

Not that I know of.

I am pretty sure I'm the only child,

but I've never really sat my parents down

to get to the bottom of it.

I'm pretty sure it's just me.

Does Charles Christopher White Jr act in Hunger Games?

Don't ask silly questions, you know the answer.

Yes, I'm the only thing that held

that entire franchise together and it's an absolute shame

that they didn't call me back for the most recent one.

I'm very disappointed with their decision,

but I will never forget the time I spent on that set.

Is Charles Christopher White Jr still alive?

Yeah. [board thuds]

Can Moist Critikal play guitar?

I tried, I played in middle school,

I dropped it in high school,

I haven't really touched it since.

I can do Tears Don't Fall intro still, I think,

but other than that, nothing else.

How did Moist Critikal get famous?

I didn't, you've been misled.

I just post shit on the internet

and some people watch it and that's really about it,

but I guess maybe the Hunger Games would be

another answer to that.

When does Moist Critikal stream?

Pretty much every night, times vary, all very spontaneous.

Sometimes I don't stream every day, you never really know,

you got to stay on your toes.

Does Moist Critikal use a script?

Nope, fire on the camera, talk about absolute nonsense,

and that's about the extent of the effort

that goes into that.

Unless we're doing something like wrestling.

With wrestling, we plan out a lot

of what goes on beforehand,

but when it's just a normal video, it's super simple.

I just start talking about some really goofy shit

and that's about it. [board thuds]

Thanks for having me on.

A big fuck you to the Hunger Games

for not bringing me back.

District 8 hospital helper is the only glue

that held that disheveled franchise together.

Aside from that, it was just a lot of fun,

thank you for putting it together.