How Long Have They Dated? Expert Body Language Analysis

Oh, can you pause it there?

She put her purse next to the guy,

so she's coming closer towards his proximity.

Putting an object near somebody would not be happening

on a first date.

And a trust signal too, because it's her wallet.

[Narrator] These three body language experts

will watch these five couples going on dates.

Can they guess accurately how long these couples

have been dating based only on their body language?

Let's begin. [gentle music]

What is intriguing to me is on footage one,

the bag is on her chair and she's very closed.

There's a lot of closed behavior,

and the guy as well doesn't look very comfortable.

So I would have to actually disagree with you

that we are seeing discomfort in number one.

She's crossing her arms and making herself small, yes,

but she's also mirroring her partner who's doing the same.

They're coming together.

I think that they're actually really comfortable

in each other's space. [gentle music]

I see a lot of reserved behavior there.

In number one, she is covering her ventral side.

He's sort of stoic with his arms crossed

and I would wanna look at more information.

Trying to discern from a video

how long people have known each other<

how long they've dated, that's really tough.

Humans are very complex.

Any behavior that you see at any moment

is really driven by context.

Number five was interesting because they were so animated

and they seem to be in tune with each other.

Though they've not actually physically touched,

we can see there's a lot of closeness.

One of the most well supported indicators

of interpersonal closeness is the degree

of nonverbal mimicry between partners.

I wanna see how close people get to each other,

how comfortable they are in each other's space.

There's so much mirroring behavior.

They lean towards each other

and they're smiling at the same time.

Kind of like a movement dance going on the whole time.

When you see a lot of mirroring behaviors

you tend to think okay,

they've been together for quite a while.

It's not a first date.

Yeah.

What I'm seeing here with number three is a direct contrast.

There's a lot of self-soothing displays.

She was literally grabbing the table.

My strategy would be to really focus on the details.

What are they doing with their hands,

doing with their gestures?

Maybe they will touch objects to pacify themselves.

But that was a very specific behavior that stood out

that she grabbed the table like that.

To me, that could be a comfortable moment.

I see the man here,

he is doing a lot kind of with his hands.

It seems to be a lot of nervousness.

When I look at their legs, especially the woman here,

her legs are tucked underneath her body

and wrapped together.

She's not feeling negative so much

because we're seeing some smiles here,

but in the lower body, I am seeing some discomfort

that this might be the first date.

This is a direct contrast

to what we're seeing in number two.

Rather than withdrawing into themselves,

they're actually taking up

each other's space very comfortably.

This maybe isn't a long-term marriage

because there seems to be a lot of flirting going on,

which does tend to die off as their relationship ages

because there's less need to show attraction.

[gentle music]

So we see some flirting going on.

We're seeing lots of kind of coy smiles here on number four.

The opposite side, we see some finger picking.

When people are trait anxious

rather than dispositionally anxious,

you see lots of picking of the fingers.

The person on the right,

they still have their hands low between the legs.

That's very much a comforting behavior,

and even though the person on the left has both moved back

and forward, there was no reciprocity.

In other words, we usually, if somebody smiles, we smile.

If somebody waves, we wave.

Reciprocity says I really enjoy what we're doing here

but we're not seeing that.

Now this could be because one person has attraction

and one doesn't.

Or maybe one person is feeling negative towards the other

and the other is trying to get that person to engage.

All we can really tell from this is that there is

an asymmetry here in feelings towards one another.

He may be trying to draw her out

and her mind is somewhere else.

Yeah. [gentle music]

Interesting.

With number one, they are interacting but they have a bit

of a bigger distance.

They haven't really changed their positions that much.

Fluidity of action often speaks of high comfort.

If you notice other couples have moved in

and out of different positions.

It is very unusual to remain

in the same position for this long.

So I'm just wondering if they're nervous around each other.

If they're reluctant to move around too much.

[gentle music]

Okay, can you stop number two?

What we just saw was I would say very intimate behavior.

She's taking the napkin and she's giving it to him,

so there was very close proximity.

While they're eating, she's taking care of him.

So definitely a longer relationship than a first date.

[gentle music]

Number five, you just saw a head tilt.

There was a head tilt.

And one more again, and again.

We call that a clue as you would say.

It's getting more and more interesting at number five

because there's a lot of flirting going on I would say.

She's pacifying herself on her neck.

There's a little bit of a,

you could say courting maybe going on.

He's smiling, he's leaning forward.

That's interesting to look at.

[gentle music]

What's interesting about number one

is that we're seeing negative emotion

but we're not seeing any attempt to engage,

which would suggest it probably isn't a first date

and it probably is negative emotion rather than nervousness.

Because when I contrast this to number three,

I see similar signs, but in number three I am seeing

a lot of nervous displays.

Seeing some really heavy breathing here.

We can see her chest going up and down quite a lot.

She's taking quite deep breaths.

The emotion's positive, but we are seeing that discomfort

at the same time. [gentle music]

And we see number one, we see a smile.

We see some positive emotion.

Maybe the food is coming.

Maybe he's apologized for something.

One would hope. [gentle music]

Okay, that's definitely a very important thing

that we just saw.

So now there is a connection physically.

She's coming out of her shell so to say.

This is an intimate behavior.

Even though it's just the fingertips.

You have to remember that the fingertips are just plush

with nerve endings that are very sensitive.

This is a very powerful sign here.

Interesting.

When the food was brought over is the first time

they're sort of smiling and so forth.

A lot of comfort displays here.

She's doing a little dance while she's eating.

Maybe they were just hungry

and that's where that negativity is coming from,

which I can completely understand.

You also see it in number one,

we're seeing changes in behavior.

I think they were just low on blood sugar.

Finally a little bit more animated.

They're both nodding in agreement.

Even though they're slightly reserved,

maybe because of filming circumstances,

they look a little bit more comfortable now.

[gentle music]

Stop right there.

Oftentimes we can tell people really are enjoying each other

because they move objects out of the way

so that they have a clearer view.

But let's stop here.

Yeah, yeah. That's fantastic.

She lifts her ankle and it's ventilating behavior as well.

A lot of people focus on the face,

not realizing that the feet are actually more honest

in revealing just how close we are.

We don't unveil our feet

and we certainly don't move them this close

to the other person

unless we're really comfortable around them.

Look how much more animated number four is now.

There's so much mirroring.

Even though their hands aren't exactly doing the same thing,

their faces certainly show they're really into each other.

And number three, on the opposite side,

his hands have barely left each other this whole time.

We're seeing lots of awkward displays.

And we are seeing lots of touching of the menus.

The nose, it might be itchy,

but in this case we've seen a lot of discomfort.

You see the hand on her knee.

That's actually a pacifying behavior.

There may be a lot of nervousness there

that we're still experiencing.

She's not just touching her knee, she's gripping her knee.

She's actually starting to scratch,

which might say that the discomfort level

is actually increasing. [gentle music]

Number two, we're seeing comfort displays.

You're seeing him, you know, talking with his mouthful.

They're laughing while they're eating and speaking.

There's less perception management going on.

Number two, we literally see him picking our food.

So that's a very intimate gesture there.

He would not do that on a first date.

We see a similar behavior with number one,

and they just swapped plates.

They picked each other's and swapped.

Not only did they trade plates

but he was generous and he moved her glass out of the way.

I am starting to think that number one

might be a longer term marriage

because they seem so comfortable in the negativity.

And what's interesting here about number three is

we're starting to see them loosen up.

They're starting to see a little bit more comfort

which is what you would expect

as people get to know each other.

So we're kind of seeing a progression here

of their comfort levels. [gentle music]

And number one, even though she's leaning back,

her foot is very close to his leg

and that begins to talk to us.

We saw some of it in number five.

They never really touched but they were willing to at least

venture out that way.

And so far we haven't seen it in number three.

[gentle music]

Look at number four, 'cause this is critical.

It's called foot cradling.

We do it with babies.

We get their feet and we comfort them that way.

This is a high comfort display.

There's a lot of trust here. [gentle music]

When we look at number two,

there's a lot of touching but also longer touches.

You could look at the feet and say yeah,

but they withdrew their feet.

Well, I don't think that really matters.

Their feet for them are in a comfortable position.

Look at the other behaviors that say

we're really comfortable around each other.

Here's what's interesting for all three of us

is these behaviors.

At what point do they become norm?

Do they become norm at three months?

Do they become norm at five months or 15 months?

People who get along really well within weeks

may be mirroring each other,

may be copying each other.

How long have they been together?

That's really tough.

That's really tough.

[Narrator] And now it's time to guess.

[gentle music]

I'm heading towards them being married four years.

Four years.

One year.

[gentle music]

I'm Jocelyn.

And I'm Jake.

[Couple One] We've been married for one year.

I'm not surprised by this

just 'cause they seem so comfortable

and they didn't seem to be engaging

in any perception management whatsoever.

For the first few minutes they just sat there

not really moving, not really interacting.

It's interesting that now that we're looking directly

at their faces, you kind of get a sense that yeah,

I can see this as a couple for a long time.

[gentle music]

I'm torn between married four years or dating five.

Dating five years.

[gentle music]

I'm Courtney. I'm Mike.

Been together five years. Five years.

I almost put five years for this one

just 'cause they seemed so touchy.

Maybe it wasn't marriage yet.

Maybe this touching behavior will slowly start to fade,

in the nicest possible way.

To me, the number doesn't matter.

The fact is that you could tell immediately

this couple really likes each other.

Of all the couples,

they're the one that are closest to a first date.

I'm John. I'm Lauren.

This is a blind date. Blind date.

Oh well. Well done.

And with all those touching behaviors, finger touching,

rubbing, that says to me, we're not really comfortable.

[gentle music]

So I'm gonna go with my gut, but I think I might be wrong.

[gentle music]

My name is Dora.

My name is Martes.

About, about a year. Yeah.

Yeah the lack of mimicry was saying

to me that it wasn't super long term.

One thing you can tell,

how much empathy is also displayed.

When one was reluctant to to talk or was a little stoic

the other one helped to bring the other one out.

That's also a good sign of a good relationship.

I think it's a first date, a good one.

[gentle music]

Hi, I'm Brenda. I'm Saj.

And we've been together for 14 years.

Married for four.

I'm kicking myself with this one because prior to this

I said my strategy was look for the most mimicry.

They showed the most mimicry

and I just disregarded my strategy.

Okay, we want the PhD back.

Once again, as we look at this couple,

yeah we saw the mimicry, we saw the joviality.

They were having a good time.

Whether it's a date or an experience,

in essence that's really what matters.

Yep.